See part one if you missed it…
9 SIGNS THAT YOU ARE LOVING SELFLESSLY
Okay, I think you are ready…
Here is a question for you.
Is it more loving to let your child run after the ball, that rolled into the street, or is it more loving to hold them back?
The child would say that you love them if you let them do what they want, but you know that what they want would not be good for their well being.
It would be more loving for you to hold them back instead of compromise for the purpose of pleasing them.
It’s more loving to not give money to your friend who is addicted to poisonous substances.
Even if they say that you don’t love them, you know that you are actively loving them by not compromising in order to gain their approval.
You know that what they want, could kill them, so by you refusing to help them, you are showing love towards them.
It’s more loving to take time away from being alone with a boyfriend or girlfriend, if they are struggling with purity.
They will feel like you are being judgmental or they might even feel like you don’t love them anymore but by you choosing to keep yourself and them far from temptation, you are doing one of the most loving things that you could possibly do, in that situation.
If we are not careful, we will start being more afraid of the response of people and less confident in God.
I am not speaking from a place of always doing the wisest and most loving thing in every situation…
In fact, I can only talk about this subject because I have failed majorly in this area.
I have also seen the results of choosing to truly love, without letting selfish fear dictate how I should love people.
That is the only reason that I can write this.
So, please don’t see this post as judgement, because I am not proclaiming to live this out perfectly.
My intention is to tell you what I have learned on my walk with Jesus, and hope that it helps you avoid some of the stumbling blocks that I have tripped over.
I want you to look for the signs now, so you don’t waste as much time as I have, before I learned the signs.
Here they are…
7 Signs that the love has turned into fear.
If you aren’t honest or open in your relationships, because you don’t want them to use it against you.
When you think that you are failing at love if you displease people.
Not trusting God with the outcome of your relationships.
If you worry about people leaving you.
When you compromise your opinions and values to cater to people.
If you are more consumed in how individuals feel loved and less concerned about how to actually love them.
When you feel responsible for misrepresenting God’s love if people don’t feel loved in the way that they want.
This is when selfless love turns into selfish fear.
We start loving for the world instead of loving for God, even when our initial goal was to love like Jesus!
It is a sneaky change that happens in our heart, which is why it is so dangerous.
How can we spot the difference in ourselves, before we fall into this mess?
God put one scripture on my heart…
“There is no fear in love; but perfect love casts out fear, because fear involves torment. But he who fears has not been made perfect in love.”
I John 4:18 NKJV.
Do you feel fear in the relationships that you are in?
Are you afraid of the consequences if you don’t love people the way that they want love?
Do you fear losing the people that you believe God called you to love, if you fail loving them the right way?
Are you afraid to displease people or make them frustrated?
Do you fear that if you displease someone they will believe that you don’t love them or that you don’t show love in the correct way?
Are you worried and stressed because you feel like you can never do enough in order for people to finally see the love you are trying so hard to give to them?
I know that you truly believe that you are just so desperate to love people like Jesus.
I believe you!
I know that you truly want to love people selflessly, just like Jesus loves you.
I need to be the one to tell you…
You aren’t loving people at all.
If fear is tormenting you.
If you cannot be at peace and trust God in your relationships.
If you are constantly fearing that your effort isn’t good enough.
You are not loving like Jesus.
When you love people, only for the purpose of loving people as Jesus loved people… you don’t worry about their presence in your life.
You don’t worry about making them mad and you don’t fear them exiting your life…
because you no longer consider what this means for yourself.
You confidently trust God and seek His guidance, without fear of messing things up.
When you know God is the reason you love, you don’t look for confirmation in how people respond.
You seek truth.
You seek to know Jesus’ heart more and more because at the end of the day, He is the only heart you are after!
His approval is all that you are concerned about.
You will know that, as long as you are trying to love in truth, you are giving a true love… even if people respond poorly.
This is what true love is!
A perfect love.
A love like that of Jesus…
Fear is not involved.
Jesus never feared that His love wouldn’t be enough to keep you with Him…
In fact, He knew that many would still reject Him while He displayed perfect love on that cross.
That didn’t scare Him or stop Him from loving us.
So, if you are tormented by fear when it comes to your desire to love people as well as possible.
You need to go back a few steps.
Remember to trust God with the relationships in your life and then seek to know God’s heart more and more.
God will guide you to love people better and better and you won’t be worried or afraid.
You will confidently trust God with the hearts of the people He put in your life.
Additionally, you will know that ultimately, God perfectly loves every single person that we encounter.
We don’t need to fear that we will fail at loving people.
We all will fail at loving people!
Only God can perfectly love people!
Our job is to seek to know the heart of Jesus as we let God take care of the rest.
We are to love people in truth, even if it isn’t comfortable or enjoyable in the moment.
Let me tell you something that Jesus taught me about love…
Most of the time,
when you show the most selfless and true love to people, it will not be comfortable for you!
If there is something in it for you, it isn’t selfless and true love, anymore…
That is called self-love.
When you are choosing to do the right thing;
choosing to give thoughtful consideration and selfless love to people, You are not concerned about what you are getting in return.
Whether it be a good or bad return.
You don’t need to fear in love, because loving people was never meant to be about protecting and considering yourself.
Don’t be overwhelmed.
Don’t be afraid!
“For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.”
II Timothy 1:7 NKJV.
Fully trust God with the relationships in your life…
He will take care of them.
Just love God with all of your heart and seek to love people as Jesus loves them!
In truth.
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Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
