Love is not easy.             

Loving selflessly is not something we do naturally.        

It wasn’t meant to be.         

When you really care about your relationships, you want to love, even when it is not easy.            

But, let’s keep it 100% real.          

We all have a past.             

We all have scars.              

We have trauma.                  

We have issues.                  

Though we like to pretend that our issues may be a part of our past and that they don’t affect us today…              

I’ll be the one to tell you.            

They do affect us.              

Our issues affect us everyday.                     

It’s a part of our conditioning.                 

They arrived during critical development stages in our lives, so it’s only natural that our behavior is impacted by our past issues.                  

I am not telling you that you will never overcome these issues!                      

I’m telling you that you can’t ignore them and think that just because you don’t see them, they are overcome; because you would be only fooling yourself.                      

We need to address the issues, if they are going to be overcome.                  

Yes, Jesus Christ wiped the slate clean, but Jesus wants to do more than just clean off what is messy!               

He doesn’t just wipe the blood off of our wound so it looks like it is gone…   

He wants to address why it is bleeding in the first place, so the bleeding stops.                  

This means that we need to address the issues, rather than just roll our sleeves down to cover them up.                     

It’s a good thing you came here!             

Addressing the real issues is what Hungry Still? does best!             

Don’t worry, we will not judge your journey.             

We are in this together!                

Let’s take the first steps…                

Relationships.             

A common way that our issues impact our decisions and behavior is in relationships.                  

Whether romantic, business, family or friends, our issues play a key role in how we respond in relations.                          

Something most Christians struggle with in relationships is…                        

Loving like Jesus!              

We know that our two goals in life are to 

Love God 

and 

love people.                

Which is much easier said than done.             

It’s not easy to forgive seventy times seven or go the extra mile or lay your life down for your friends, but Jesus lived out these exact examples of love and asks that we do the same.                           

There is a point in your Christian walk where you will find yourself called to love God and love people as truly and selflessly as possible.                     

The only way to do that is to follow Jesus and see how He demonstrated His love for us.                    

It will be at this point that you realize that love has to be deeper than emotions.                      

Love is unconditional and it’s given regardless of how you feel.                    

Love is an action!                      

This means that, in order to walk in love, you won’t be able to trust your emotions to help you make decisions.               

This is a beautiful thing but it’s also    

dangerous!                    

When you ignore your feelings and love people, even when they offend you or take their issues out on you, it not only gives you an opportunity to love selflessly like Jesus but it also puts you in a vulnerable position.                    

You are now at risk of being abused.                     

Which usually causes people to stop loving people, because when they’ve tried loving unconditionally, people took advantage of that.                               

Your issues can get extremely worse if you are trying to love unconditionally While you have not addressed your past issues.                              

For example:            

If you lost a parent or if they never approved of you or loved you unconditionally while you were growing up, you could possibly struggle with a need to seek the approval of people.                           

This leads to people pleasing, which will have you breaking your back to be loved and accepted by those around you.            

(see post    

If you were always the last one to be considered in school or in your family, you could tend to isolate yourself from people or strive for people to recognize your significance while avoiding intimate and close relationships with them.                         

Our issues can have us stuck in dysfunctional patterns that inevitably lead to dysfunctional relationships.                             

This makes pursuing our calling to love people as Jesus loved people, very challenging.                  

We could be in a dysfunctional relationship and not even see it!              

We could have the intent to love like Jesus and lay down our lives for others, but we end up being abused while enabling people to be unloving towards us.                

You develop a fear of people taking advantage of your love, so you over-analyze every single gesture the other person does.         

While you still want to love like Jesus loves.         

Then you consider how Jesus loved, here on earth.               

Jesus loved people who abused Him…       

Now you want to find a way to love people who do you wrong.             

Which leads you to allow people to mistreat you, out of fear that you are not loving as Jesus does.                 

The fear that you may ruin relationships by being selfish, will be the very fear that will ruin the relationship.            

You desire to love as selflessly as  Jesus does, and the fear that you may love selfishly, will keep you in dysfunctional relationships.           

It’s overwhelming, isn’t it?           

We think that we are loving like Jesus but we are actually afraid of something.                     

Afraid of loving people the wrong way.                 

Scared of losing a relationship that God may want you to endure for a season so He can do something even greater through it later.                    

Afraid of letting your emotions drive your decisions.             

As a Christian, I know that these fears are real.           

You no longer fear that you will love people who aren’t good enough for you…                 

Now, 

when all you want to do is love people as Jesus loves,

you fear that you will turn away people because they are too hard to love.                    

For a Christian, the goal is no longer about protecting your heart…         

It’s about loving people regardless of their brokenness.           

Because that’s exactly what Jesus did for you!               

I’m not telling you that you shouldn’t love like this!                 

I will always encourage everyone to love like Jesus!               

I am just telling you that maybe we don’t have the right idea of what that looks like.                    

While you try to love selflessly, you need to be aware of the fears that will keep you from that goal.             

The ways you may not see yourself striving for perfection or striving to be loved and approved.                  

It’s not bad to love people who are difficult to love.                  

That is exactly how we should love!                       

‭‭Jesus confirms this in  

Luke‬ ‭6:32-36‬ ‭NKJV‬‬,                  

““But if you love those who love you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners love those who love them. And if you do good to those who do good to you, what credit is that to you? For even sinners do the same. And if you lend to those from whom you hope to receive back, what credit is that to you? For even sinners lend to sinners to receive as much back. But love your enemies, do good, and lend, hoping for nothing in return; and your reward will be great, and you will be sons of the Most High. For He is kind to the unthankful and evil. Therefore be merciful, just as your Father also is merciful.”                        

We are supposed to love even when it’s hard to love.                   

However, loving people does not mean pleasing them.             

Loving people does not mean that you should fear displeasing them.                  

You can love people, forgive them, be understanding towards them and favor them over yourself…   

without compromising what you value or striving for their pleasure.                     

Loving people doesn’t mean working for their approval!                    

They may not always approve of everything that you do, but if you do everything out of love for that person and not out of manipulation or in attempt to get something in return,   

you are still giving them love.                         

Be aware that

even the most purest intentions to love unconditionally, can be corrupted by fear.                      

You don’t want to hurt anyones feelings or make them feel rejected.                    

Your goal is to let God’s love shine through you, even if it’s really hard for you.                 

The enemy will use even this against you.              

If you don’t know what true selfless love looks like, he will lead you to believe that it looks like pleasing people.                   

Here is what loving selflessly looks like!                   

 

9 signs that you are loving selflessly:               

• you trust God with the relationship’s future.           

• You accept if a person wants to walk out of your life.              

• You don’t worry if a person doesn’t approve of you.                   

• You don’t require the other person to change in order to give love to them.                  

• You consistently work to show love that doesn’t compromise your character or values, or those of others.                

• You seek good for people, not always what they like.                   

• You don’t change your approach to love, just because the other person doesn’t like it.                

• You are open, transparent and true, even if you’re afraid that the other person will react poorly.                       

• You address peoples needs before their wants.                               

This is a good way to love people who are difficult to love!                         

Loving people is having compassion for their burdens and attending to their needs… not all of their wants.                              

People don’t always want good things and when we are quick to provide all that people want… we are not only people-pleasing but we may inadvertently allow them to fall into trouble.                    

This is why we have to be very careful when it comes to our relationships.            

When we start to fear in love,      

Love is no longer really there!                      

It is not loving to let your personal fears keep you from doing what’s right.                   

If you’re allowing your anxiety to make any decisions for you in your relationships,   

that is a sign that you are not actually loving them.                  

Allowing fear to be a part of your relationships and letting it dictate how you will love someone, is actually showing more selfish love than true love towards others.                          

I have done this…        

The only reason I am telling you this is because I LOVE YOU and I don’t want you to waste years believing the enemy’s lies.           

I know this isn’t the way to love like Jesus, because 

Jesus NEVER loved like this!          

In fact, Jesus displeased a lot of people, but only because He loved them too much to let them continue walking down a path that would ultimately destroy them!                       

Jesus NEVER let the fear of losing people, keep Him from truly loving them!                

Letting fear lead how you love people,  

Is the very thing that keeps you from truly loving people!                     

You no longer are thinking of others, you’re concerned about protecting yourself and your feelings.                 

So, how do we prevent this?                     

What can we do to love truly and keep our fears from poisoning our relationships?               

We need to start recognizing when our unconditional love for people, turns into fear.               

How do we recognize when loving unconditionally turns into fear?                        

You will have to read part two!                    

7 Signs that love has turned into fear.