The first thing that comes to my mind is a romantic Christmas movie. 

Not the regular romantic movies!

It’s always the Christmas romantic movies that make me feel most lovey-dovey inside. 

You know the kind!

The guy and the girl don’t know each other. 

She stumbles into his arms.

Their eyes meet. 

And just like that, they are in love! 

I oftentimes, laugh at how quickly and unsubstantially it appears the two characters go from strangers to soulmates. 

How do they know, by that one long glance they share with a stranger, that they are in love? 

(to be fair, these are movies and they only have an hour and a half to fall in love)

It’s like the butterflies in their tummies are the indicator that this person in front of them, is the one. 

I truly enjoy these movies; however, I don’t believe the definition of real LOVE should be found in them 

This is what I naturally visualize when I think of love, but everyone has different ideas of what love looks like to them. 

Now, with the understanding that not all of us see a Christmas movie as a picture of love, I do know that we all have confirmed our individual idea of love through the “feeling of love” 

For example, it was ultimately a feeling that brought me to classify the moments dramatized in romantic movies, as what love really looks like.

For others, it was a feeling that solidified their belief that the definition of love is animals or family dinners or game night with the buddies! 

Though we define it differently, we all experienced the same feeling; and that feeling is what we used to confirm our individual definition of love. 

If you feel love … it’s love 

Right? 

Hmm …

That would make love solely based off of a feeling, which makes love just as impactful as our feeling of attraction, frustration and even hunger.

Feelings are not stable. 

feelings of frustration are based on circumstances and feelings of hunger are based on your bodies response to needing nutrients.. but these feelings change the moment that circumstances change.

So, if we say love is just a feeling … we are confessing that our view of love is only if circumstances are right. 

Some do believe that love lasts for just as long as the other person does what is expected of them; but the moment the other person falls short of the expectations, the “love” they said they had, seems to just disappear.

I know this is not real love…

I only know this is not real love because I know that if I was the one who was “loved” only as long as I did what the other person expected, and then the minute I didn’t respond the way I should have or the moment I didn’t give them what they wanted from the relationship, they stopped loving me inside… I would see that that love was just as real as a hunger that is satisfied when fed but growling when it is in need. 

I know that I don’t see love if it is conditional and based on circumstances, so I know that love is not as temporary and conditional as feelings. 

I don’t want to assume I know it all, because I know I am far from that … (so, please correct me if I am wrong) but I don’t believe you define love as someone only loving you for as long as you fit the idea they had of what you were suppose to be in their life. 

Love is so special! 

It is deeper than an agreement where:

"if you perform well for my life and are everything I need, then I will love you"

Love is not a feeling

However, feelings are still involved when it comes to love…

but love itself, is not a feeling.

in I Corinthians 13:4-7; we read what love is and what love does … and if love does not seek its own and if love bears all things and if love is kind and longsuffering… then it means that love is not only an action word but it shows love is steady, regardless of feeling.

In Luke 6:27, Jesus tells us to love our enemies 

An enemy is a person you are against in some way. 

If love was a feeling this would be an oxymoron because you can’t feel both love and anger towards someone …

But you can feel angry at someone but love them in deed and in truth and with actions 

Get into a relationship because you want to; it makes you feel good and fulfills your needs 

But what about the other person? 

Not just their wants but their needs 

A relationship in love is caring more about the other person than yourself!

“Well, who’s gonna fulfill my needs?”
“I have to look out for myself, too!”

No! 

It’s not your job to look out for yourself! 

Let God look out for you through other people. Only God knows your needs better than you ever could, let Him provide what you need through other people. 

Never get into a relationship if it’s just to serve yourself and your feelings!

A relationship is built on love, which is not a feeling.

Love is a decision.

It’s a covenant and a promise.

It’s valuing someone above yourself.

It’s dedicating your actions and works to show the other how much you place value on them and treasure them. 

Love is not a feeling but love can bring out feelings! 

If someone loves me in their actions, I can’t help but feel happy, grateful, special, wanted, adored, important, valuable, worthy, attractive, etc.

Since the action of love brings such intense emotions, we think love is the emotion but it really has nothing to do with an emotion! 

You love your dog by feeding him, even if he pooped on your new sweater. You can feel upset, yet since you love him, you serve him, without putting yourself first. 

When your newborn child is crying every hour of the night, you will feel depressed, exhausted, hopeless, etc. 

Yet, because this is your child, you love your child by getting up out of bed each time to comfort the child, even when you would rather be sleeping. 

Your wife is going through PMS and she is super irritable, getting angry with everything you say or do. You can feel angry and frustrated, yet because you love her, you try and resolve the issues and find a way to help her feel better. 

“My little children, let us not love in word or in tongue, but in deed and in truth.”

‭‭I John‬ ‭3:18‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

a deed means an intentional act

so, we ought to love in intentional action and in truth 

Not based on opinions but based on the truth! 

Love is not determined by feeling or opinion, it’s based on unshifting truth! 

When someone tries to show me that they love me, it should not be that I’m searching for how they feel about me, but how do they show actual love for me. If you believe someone loves you based off of feelings they have for you, you will not experience love. Someone loves you with works and in truth. 

This doesn’t shift when the other isn’t around to see what you’re doing or change when that person doesn’t behave how you like. 

Love is not contractual 

Love is factual 

Love does not obey your emotions, 

It will condition and lead your emotions! 

You can feel happy or frustrated with a person and still love them! 

In fact, love is most clearly demonstrated while the one giving love is not necessarily feeling anything lovely towards the one they are actively loving.

When someone can be in no mood to love yet they choose to love anyways, how much more powerful is that love!

You give of something that is not easy to give! 

It takes something out of you! 

 “For God so loved the world that He gave His only begotten Son, that whoever believes in Him should not perish but have everlasting life.”

‭‭John‬ ‭3:16‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Love will always 

cost you something

“There is no such thing as free love; free love is a contradiction…”

-Ravi Zacharias 

In other words, 

if you feel like doing it… it’s free 

If you don’t feel like doing it, yet still do it… it costs 

It takes something from you to do something in love, if you don’t already feel like doing it 

If you feel like it, it takes nothing out of you! 

Most of the time when we serve others without expecting things in return, it takes a lot from us because how do we know if we will be filled after emptying ourselves? 

God gave of His only, purposely, so we see that love isn’t just a feeling 

To God it’s always been an action!

Love was not only created to be received but 

Love was created to be experienced through giving;

Love was made to be given 

Our impulse is to not feel the pain of wrongfully placing love 

We get so hurt in life, that we only want love for ourselves and extending it to others seems unintelligent because extending love only leaves you vulnerable for hurt.

I don’t believe God created love so we keep it to ourselves in fear that investing it may end up being a bad investment.

God created love to be freely given!

Why would God create people so able to give love 

and have them hide it away and only use it on some occasions or even never; out of fear of being vulnerable and hurt? 

God actively gave and constantly gives love to those who hardly ever give it back to Him and even those who hate Him! (John 15:18)

God is an example of giving love regardless of if He receives it or not 

Jesus Christ was an example of loving even your enemies…

“And when they had come to the place called Calvary, there they crucified Him, and the criminals, one on the right hand and the other on the left. Then Jesus said, “Father, forgive them, for they do not know what they do.” And they divided His garments and cast lots.”

‭‭Luke‬ ‭23:33-34‬ ‭NKJV‬‬

Love is Him considering us and our eternity while He was bleeding on a cross … He considered lovingly those who nailed Him there!!! 

I bet He didn’t feel like doing this!

In Luke 22:42, Jesus asks if there is anyway He wouldn’t have to go through with the crucifixion, but He said not His will be done, but God’s will be done, because God’s will was love for all creation. 

Jesus was fully man and fully God, so He felt the same pain and sorrow and betrayal that we feel, and worse .. yet He chose love

His love was displayed on a cross! 

Not in words but clearly seen on Calvary! 

God is love 

God shows us how to love 

Love has never been a feeling! 

• Love is a decision 

• Love is a choice

• Love costs something 

• Love is an action 

Jesus Christ displays this love 

God commands that we love 

We can’t love on our own 

We need His help to love like this 

But it is this love that holds power 

It is this love that changed everything.

This is how you know it’s love.