We are divided…
In a time when we think that we are moving towards acceptance, we have never been more seperated by our differences.
Today, we can be in a crowd, full of people, yet not a single face-to-face conversation is taking place; each person simultaneously engulfed in the magnificence of their smartphone.
We cling to a virtual existance because online is much easier than facing physical reality.
Online, we have the courage to hate on those who don’t agree with us and boast about what we believe in, yet in public, we struggle to feel secure in a room where we would have to put our phone away, and actually talk to people.
Division is right in front of us, if we would look up long enough to notice it.
Nevertheless, media and entertainment is NOT the main reason why we are divided!
It may contribute to division and it certainly enables division to continue, but it is not the actual cause of division.
Here is the real reason that we are divided…
Disconnection.
What does this mean?
We look like we are connected to more people than ever before, but in reality we are disconnected.
Why?
I read in a New York Times article that we are capable of about 5 close connections at a time.
More relationships than that, are not close and intimate relationships.
In fact, the more people that you add on your contact list, the less personal all the relationships get.
View it like you have a gallon of lemonade to pour into 5 glasses.
The 5 glasses can each be filled to their brim!
However, what happens if you have that same gallon of lemonade but you have 50 glasses to fill?
Each glass gets a sip of lemonade.
It is the same with our relationships!
We want a lot of people in our squad and we try and fill the relationships with our attention and dedication, but we still only have a gallon of attention and dedication to give.
So, we will try and even it out, however, we will find that we cannot fill anyone with the closeness that friendships and relationships require, in order to thrive.
This is why the 300 Facebook friends or 1,000 followers do not indicate connection.
If we are being real…
Culture doesn’t even encourage close relationships anymore.
We glamorize having thousands of people who know our name and like our photos, but no actual vulnerable relationships.
No accountability.
No conflict.
No patience.
We can influence people from across the world, yet not know the deep treasures of their heart.
Connection is not proximity to people…
Connection is intimacy with people.
Intimacy, meaning interactions with people; where you learn their heart.
You learn their fears, troubles, mindset, what makes them happy and what they feel that they need to work on.
When you study a person this deeply, you realize that even having 5 people, that you are this connected to, is a full time commitment!
You couldn’t possibly be this close to 200 people.
Sadly, this doesn’t stop us from craving the 200.
Here is the saddest fact about all of this.
While you avoid the vulnerability of being closely connected to a few people, you, yourself are running on empty.
Sure, you are not filling anyone up with genuine companionship, but also remember that you are not being filled either!
That is why we like the followers and likes!
In some way, we made our new companion, the game on social media or the good reviews on Yelp.
They seem like they are filling us up, so we choose to commit to a relationship with vanity, fame and influence.
Being well known is not the same as being known well.
Or in other words; just because everyone knows your name, doesn’t mean you are known by them.
Deep down, I know that is what we truly want.
We want someone to commit to us; to deeply know our hearts and hear our pain without unfollowing us if we have a bad day or disagree with them.
We have seen how fast the door will be slammed in our face, so we choose the illusion of connection, draped over the emptiness of isolation.
The devil likes to dazzle us with beautiful frosting, but inside the cake, it’s poison.
We don’t even realize how far gone we have gotten because the outside looks good and it tastes sweet.
There are deep wounds inside of us, that the devil uses to keep us away from the relationships.
Fears that rejection, disapproval and loneliness is all that we could ever get if anyone got close to us again.
So, instead of getting close enough to know someone’s heart, to truly know them and to also be truly known ourselves, we hide behind the insta stories, pretend that everyone likes us and if they disagree with us, we cancel them.
It look so simple on the surface.
On social media and the news, people seem so one dimensional and uncomplicated.
Now, we all have this mentality, though we don’t always put it into words:
“Only one person in the whole world has deep emotional pain and complexity… and that’s me.”
No one would say that, but if you really compare your consideration for yourself, to your consideration for other people, you see that you specialize in compassion for yourself.
This is far beyond the topic of self-love.
You could absolutely hate your body and it’s features, yet fight to eat the foods that you want to eat and have the phone with 12 camera lenses, chase the career that you want and have the nice things that you feel you deserve.
You consider yourself!
We DO NOT have a self-love issue!
We have a self-less love issue!
When I had body-image issues and I thought I was ugly, I was at my most self absorbed state, mentally!
Everyday, all I thought about was my appearance and what I had to do to look better.
I gave up hours, doing my make up and I would be devastated if I didn’t look skinny enough in my clothes.
My problem was not that I didn’t love myself!
I spent everyday thinking of myself!
My problem was that I disregarded the lives of those around me.
I am not telling you this to make you feel bad about yourself!
I want you to know that, I know exactly how you feel!
I also what you to see that seeking self love never helped me accept myself!
The love and purpose God has for me is what helped me accept myself!
(But, I’ll talk about that journey in another blog post!)
Here is my point.
When you don’t know people intimately and vulnerably, you become numb to noticing their humanity.
When you don’t acknowledge the humanity of others, you lose compassion.
Losing compassion for people causes division!
The less intimacy you have with people, the more you disassociate with them.
You no longer see them as a person, just like you.
You set high expectations for them to be what you need and if they fall short, you do not give them grace.
They are now extras in your movie; they don’t play the same role as you do, so you don’t see them as you would see yourself.
When you don’t know anyone enough to understand where they are coming from, you don’t have compassion on them.
Your lack of compassion for them leads to lack of consideration.
So, when someone doesn’t agree with you or they don’t play the part that you expected them to play, you back away from them and this leads to you keeping distance, so you are never hurt or disappointed again.
“A man who isolates himself seeks his own desire; He rages against all wise judgment.”
Proverbs 18:1 NKJV.
Disconnected.
Divided.
God did not create us for separation.
“And the Lord God said, “It is not good that man should be alone; I will make him a helper comparable to him.””
Genesis 2:18 NKJV.
How can we prevent division?
“Now I plead with you, brethren, by the name of our Lord Jesus Christ, that you all speak the same thing, and that there be no divisions among you, but that you be perfectly joined together in the same mind and in the same judgment.”
I Corinthians 1:10 NKJV.
Does this mean that we all have to agree in every area and do the exact same thing?
Absolutely not!
We all play different roles but we all should be working for the same goal, as one team in the body of Christ!
I Corinthians 12:20-21, 25-27 NKJV.
“But now indeed there are many members, yet one body. And the eye cannot say to the hand, “I have no need of you”; nor again the head to the feet, “I have no need of you.”
that there should be no schism in the body, but that the members should have the same care for one another. And if one member suffers, all the members suffer with it; or if one member is honored, all the members rejoice with it. Now you are the body of Christ, and members individually.”
How do I start connecting again?
Closeness.
Relationship.
Intimacy.
Vulnerability.
All the things that frighten us about being around people.
It is the only way that we will start seeing people as people again.
We need to see the same heart that beats inside of us, beating in those around us.
This means that we need to excuse those who fail the same as we excuse ourselves.
As we fight to present our case, we need to fight to understand their case!
How we want others to treat us, even when we mess up, we need to do that for others!
Jesus said this in Matthew 7:12 NKJV:
“Therefore, whatever you want men to do to you, do also to them, for this is the Law and the Prophets.”
So, there is something important about giving the love we want to receive!
“Therefore, as the elect of God, holy and beloved, put on tender mercies, kindness, humility, meekness, longsuffering; bearing with one another, and forgiving one another, if anyone has a complaint against another; even as Christ forgave you, so you also must do. But above all these things put on love, which is the bond of perfection. And let the peace of God rule in your hearts, to which also you were called in one body; and be thankful. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly in all wisdom, teaching and admonishing one another in psalms and hymns and spiritual songs, singing with grace in your hearts to the Lord.”
Colossians 3:12-16 NKJV.
Cursing division instead of combatting it with compassion for others, is like cursing the darkness instead of turning on a lamp.
We have to fight division the right way!
Remember:
Getting to know someone’s heart will kill division!
“You shall not take vengeance, nor bear any grudge against the children of your people, but you shall love your neighbor as yourself: I am the Lord.”
Leviticus 19:18 NKJV.
So, reach out!
Photo by Alex Green
Scripture taken from the New King James Version®. Copyright © 1982 by Thomas Nelson. Used by permission. All rights reserved.
